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A public service message for women to better understand MEN
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire
long after hypothermia has set in.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood
and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man
shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these
things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start." We will then drink beer.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and
take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. (You're a woman. You never get
as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.)
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries like
milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or
"tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. Never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene
product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I., guys, cumin is a spice)
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist
on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as
much, when the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show
looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a
calculator).
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thin king about. The
answer is always sex or cars or football. I have to make up something else
when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother
come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more
than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need
to see it. Don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you
were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine.
With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and after all this is the year 2003, I will share equally
in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the
cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
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This has been a public service message for women to better understand MEN.
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