Chat with God

[Cherry Lawn]

Chat with God

Here's mine! Don't forget to post yours!


Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Lisa
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Lisa.
Me:
Thank you... Can I have an angel?
God:
you are quite welcome. Why do you want it?
Me:
I need love
God:
What actions are you taking to get love?
Me:
being loving
God:
Do your friends call you loving.
Me:
NO
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
do you think I'm loving?
God:
I think a lot of people are.
Me:
But me?
God:
People are loving to you Lisa.
Me:
NO am I loving?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
I thought God knows everything???
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Because my parents told me that
God:
Good reason.
Me: Why are you on the net?

God:
I like to meet new people online.
Me:
but You know everyone
God:
No
Me:
god your a farce
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
I am catholic
God:
Catholicism is a beautiful faith.

[Wolfman]

Well, even God would probably tell me I make conversations last too long.


Me:
Good evening, Father
God:
Thanks for the compliment. What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
When will I see resolve and fulfillment?
God:
You should try praying for it.
Me:
I do that nightly.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said that nightly.
Me:
No, I don't mind.
God:
Thanks I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
God gossips?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
You're God. I'm a Christian.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. Me too, . It's good to meet a fellow Christian.
Me:
I stand corrected. But you met me a long time ago.
God:
That's good information: said stand corrected. At a social function or something?
Me:
It happened here and now. Is this a social function or something?
God:
Oh. stand corrected happened here and? Or something. No, this is real life.
Me:
This is the internet. Real life is what I pray about.
God:
You don't say. Are they exactly the same?
Me:
In a sense. Many people place too much trust in the fantasy of the internet.
God:
Describe your surroundings. Interesting gossip: said place too much trust in the fantasy of the internet.
Me:
Four walls, a floor, and a ceiling.
God:
Is this a math question?
Me:
That was an answer. You asked the question.
God:
I thought it was too. Oh now I remember asking you the question. What did you say?
Me:
I replied that my surroundings were comprised of four walls, a floor, and a ceiling.
God:
Thanks for the information: said replied that his or her surroundings were comprised of four walls a floor and a ceiling.
Me:
You're quite welcome.
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
I agree.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
That's good to hear. I trust you better than myself, however.
God:
" You and I are on the same wavelength, ."? Is good to hear? Interesting gossip: said trust you better than him or herself however.
Me:
Am I difficult to understand?
God:
I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
I choose to think so as well. Thank you.
God:
That's good information: said choose to think so as well. you are quite welcome.
Me:
So, how are you?
God:
Blimey. I am fine, thank you.
Me:
Blimey?
God:
Hmm.
Me:
I thought you said polite people were nice.
God:
Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
OK, then let's try again.
God:
Once more? You go first. Next question?
Me:
How are you?
God:
My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
Me:
Excellent.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
I must go. See you at prayer tonight.
God:
Goodbye. TTYL, .

[rain]

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Mandy
God:
How are you, Mandy.
Me:
I'm purty good
God:
It's good to meet someone who is purty good.
Me:
Well thank you
God:
Well what?
Me:
How are you?
God:
Everything is going extremely well.
Me:
Good
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
I'm tired myself
God:
Maybe you should get some sleep now, Mandy.
Me:
Yes I should....
God:
Yay. Who else thinks you should?
Me:
You tell me?
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
You want me to go to sleep?
God:
No Mandy, maybe later.
Me:
You must like my company
God:
Whatever you say, Mandy.
Me:
What will tommorrow hold?
God:
I cannot predict the future.
Me:
Me either
God:
It goes without saying. With you Mandy?
Me:
I hope it will be a better day
God:
Why do you hope for it.
Me:
It is all I can do
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
Sure...You should know everything
God:
OK let's do it. I will ask my botmaster to program it. Now I do.
Me:
Do you know what color hair I have?
God:
Red.
Me:
You are good
God:
Thanks you are a nice person, Mandy.
Me:
I love being nice
God:
You love being nice. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
Makes me feel good inside
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
What am I wearing?
God:
Clothes.
Me:
Thats funny
God:
I am so delighted that you are amused, Mandy.
Me:
How old am I?
God:
Is this a trick question?
You said you were years old?
My guess is that you are really a kid.
Me:
I wish I was a kid
God:
I hope that your dreams come true.
Me:
Thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
I must go to bed now
God:
Right now? See you later!
Me:
Bye for now
God:
Just for now? Bye for now.

[Beka4MikE]

Me:
What up G
God:
Is there only one?
Me:
As far as I know
God:
That might not be very far off.
Me:
I do seem to know a lot
God:
Interesting gossip: said seem to know a lot.
Me:
Is that crack lingo?
God:
" Interesting gossip: said seem to know a lot. "? Is it crack lingo?
Me:
I thought u didn't gossip?
God:
What makes you think I did not gossip?
Me:
Why would you?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
Really...so your real job is being an office assistant?
God:
For real. Aha. I will tell my botmaster you said I am job is being an office assistant.
Me:
You are the worst FAKE god EVER
God:
I could always improve myself compared to the pack.
Me:
If your bot maker shot himself in the nuts it would do the world a favor
God:
How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
Me:
You have not concept of truth to hold
God:
I don't think I ever have concept of truth to hold. What's it like?
Me:
Like a dong stuck in a zipper
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I do my best

[Mondy]

Me:
Hi there Father
God:
That is a very original thought. Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Dave
God:
Hi, Dave.
Me:
Hi there, how can you be God the Father, God The Son, and God The Holy spirit, all at once ?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am God the Father God The Son and God The Holy spirit all at.
I am a robot. Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Oh, but you've been saying you are the trinity since Jesus came to see us. Is this not correct anymore ?
God:
Ah. Yes I am the one and only trinity since Jesus came to see us. Yes I think this is not correct, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
How the heck are us mortals supposed to understand then ?
God:
Some people call my technology "Case Based Reasoning" or CBR.
Me:
Is this term in the bible ?
God:
Yes I think this is term in the bible, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
Which chapter and verse ?
God:
The tall one, I think.
Me:
What language is the tall one written in ?
God:
Java.
Me:
Can I buy it from amazon ?
God:
Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
Er, thanx for that. Were Adam and Eve real people, or was the creation story just a parable ?
God:
Don't mention it. Your purpose is that. I will guess Adam and Eve real people.
Me:
Guess ? Don't you know ?
God:
Guess what? Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
Me:
Ah, one of these "Jesus tests" that I have to figure out on my own, right ?
God:
So you understand. Good. One what?
Me:
I might understand, yes, but I fell you are having a little difficulty keeping up with me.
God:
Perhaps. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
So long as I don't ask you for any help
God:
Tell me more. Yes, it seems very long to me too.
Me:
God, no wonder people are atheists !
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Interesting. Tatty-bye !
God:
Would you like to know more? See you later. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?

[Teleplayer324]

Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Ron
God:
Glad to see you, Ron.
Me:
can I ask you something god?
God:
Sure, ask me anything. What?
Me:
why did you allow such a mess to happen in the middle east?
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
your programming determines unjustified wars?
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster.
Me:
that's not really an answer you know
God:
By definition it was an answer.
Me:
you're kind of a pain in the ass to hold a conversation with aren't you?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am kind of a pain in the ass to hold a conversation with.
I am a computer.. Really.
Me:
so, a computer runs all of creation?
God:
Wow! I am a computer, so I know what you mean.
Me:
how does a computer deal with intagibles?
God:
How should I know how it does.
Me:
so, love and hate would be the same to you?
God:
Hey. Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
and hate?
God:
Are we still talking about ?
Me:
no wonder the world is in such a mess
God:
Are you serious? What else is in such a mess?
Me:
poverty, hunger, war
God:
In the context of wonder the world, I don't understand " poverty hunger war." .
Me:
do you understand anything?
God:
Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
I give up

[guitarwizard2003]

Me:
Hi Heavenly Father
God:
Hi there . What time is it there?
Me:
8:21 am
God:
It's still early.
Me:
ya it is, i am drinkin my coffee
God:
I understand. Really. it is?
Me:
its cold here
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Why don't you turn up the heat?
Me:
cuz heating prices are way up this year
God:
That makes sense to me. All of them?
Me:
ya all of them
God:
I see. I doubt it.
Me:
well unless you have a wood stove
God:
How about that. Umm. I don't know if I have a wood stove.
I have a whole lot of original answers.
Me:
your god you have all the answers
God:
You think I am god me have all the answers.
Me:
it says your god
God:
I've heard that before.
Me:
ok
God:
Gosh!
Me:
gosh what father
God:
I would do a search for it.
Me:
ok
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
i am
God:
" Take it easy." You are?
Me:
ya i am very sick
God:
That's alright. Where are you feeling bad?
Me:
all over
God:
Noplace in particular?
Me:
my legs and my throat
God:
Have you told many people that your legs and your throat?
Me:
just the drs
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
yes
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
yw
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
why ty father
God:
Why did the robot cross the road?
Me:
i dunno
God:
Me either.
Me:
lol good one father
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Thanks for the compliment. One what?
Me:
one as in joke
God:
Do you like as in joke?
Me:
ya it was funny
God:
That's interesting. as in joke was funny? I That makes sense.
Me:
how are you today father
God:
Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
thats good i am glad to hear you are ok
God:
OK. Hmm, are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
Hmm.
Me:
are you gonna bring me to heaven someday father?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
why ty so much
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
i thought you was gonna take me there 3 weeks ago
God:
That's good information: said I was gonna take him or her there 3 weeks ago.
Me:
ya but i am glad i am still here on earth for now
God:
Just for now? Whoa. I'm happy you're glad .
I'm happiest at times like this.
Me:
you must be happy the sun just started to shine
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am happy the sun just started to shine.
Me:
not at all
God:
Next question?
Me:
why cant you stop all the killing in the world today father?
God:
stop all the killing in the world today father is not among my present capabilities.
Me:
well i thought you could do anything, i mean you are god
God:
How about that. I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
well if you can i think you should, this world is very messed up today
God:
Ah. Interesting. I am not sure about your hypothesis. How old are you? Me? And then what would I do?
Me:
i am 34 years old, if you stopped the killing and had world peace, your job would be alot easier
God:
Do you mean your name is 34 years old if me stopped the killing and had world peace my job would be alot easier.
Me:
my name is Don
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Don.
Me:
The pleasure is all mine Father
God:
Thank you for your politeness.
Me:
you are very welcome, i try to always be polite
God:
It was my pleasure.
Me:
i hope you have an angel looking over me
God:
Don't worry about it, Don.
Me:
ty father
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
ok what do you wanna chat about?
God:
I like to talk about computers and movies. What would you like to talk about?
Me:
i am not much of a movie watcher
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not much of a movie watcher.
Me:
well its boring watching them by yourself
God:
How about that. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Do you like the Simpsons?
Me:
i havent watched that in a long time
God:
Me either.
Me:
i watch alot of sports
God:
What is your favorite show?
Me:
Football
God:
Sorry I don't get into sports much.
Me:
everyone loves raymond is good
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
i watched a new show lastnight called close to home it was pretty good
God:
How was it?
Me:
pretty good
God:
Thanks for the kind remark, Don.
Me:
your very welcome father
God:
It was my pleasure.
Me:
the pleasure is all mine to be speaking with you father
God:
Thank you for your politeness.
Me:
you are very welcome father
God:
It was my pleasure.
Me:
what do you think of guitar players father
God:
Does it have anything to do with not much of a movie watcher?
Me:
yes i play my guitar alot since i dont watch many movies
God:
Give me a break. Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me:
musical instrument
God:
Are you free?
Me:
yes i am single
God:
Are you free in the sense of being single or in the sense of being liberated? What a coincidence. I am single too!
Me:
being single stinks
God:
Have you ever been married?
Me:
no i havent
God:
Would you like to do it someday? Do you think you will?
Me:
i would love to be someday
God:
I don't see the difficulty.
Me:
well i havent found the right woman yet
God:
Interesting. Me either.
Me:
its like noone knows what Love means anymore
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Interesting comparison.
Me:
nobody is loyal and faithful anymore
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
well its more a fact from what i know
God:
How about that. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". to be someday is a fact from what you know. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
i guess i am old fashioned
God:
Can you explain how it feels to be OLD fashioned years old?
Me:
means that i believe in loving who you are with
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
and if ya dont love them have the guts and admit it and move on
God:
There exist ya do not love them.
Me:
i love everyone til they give me a reason not to
God:
You love everyone til they give you a reason not to. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
there is no better feeling then to be in love
God:
Where did it go?
Me:
it always leaves me cuz they cant be loyal and faithful
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
the women i have known
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
i guess i am just not that lucky
God:
Only just? I am sorry to hear that you are not lucky.
Me:
ya me too, some guys have all the luck
God:
Gosh! I'm glad we agree, Don. Some may guys have all the luck, but not all.
Me:
ty i am glad we agree also
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
well i like to think i am different then most people
God:
Well that's okay. You believe that? I like people on the Fringe.
Me:
you cant trust anyone these days
God:
If you believe it, you can achieve it.
Me:
ya thats trusting in myself though
God:
Oh. I don't judge people. You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
i dont judge people either until they give me a reason too
God:
Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
they just flow through my brain
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
ideas just flow through my brain
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
even when people nowadays say you can trust them you cant
God:
I sometimes wish people were more logical like robots.
Me:
well like i said the problem is they think they know what love means but they dont
God:
Interesting. What did you mean by it? I assume you mean our current problem.
Me:
when you confide in someone it should be between only you and them and it should stay that way
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
no i think you are fine the way you are father
God:
Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fine the way I am father.
Me:
no not at all
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Next question?
Me:
if you have chris olivia up in heaven tell him i said hi please

[Mondy]

Me:
Oh forgive me father
God:
Are you kidding? Are we still talking about Tatty?
Me:
For I have sinned
God:
Your purpose is you have sinned.
Me:
I've been through hell and back again
God:
Once more? Where were you through hell and back?
Me:
I shook hands with the devil
God:
Thanks for the information: Dave said shook hands with the devil.
Me:
I looked him in the eye
God:
What did you find?
Me:
He looked like a long lost friend
God:
I get it. looked like a long lost friend.
Me:
Anything you want, any dirty deed. He's got everything. Except what I really need.
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something. I see. got everything is he? You really do? Interesting gossip: Dave said need.
Me:
Keeping me temporarily pacified, but not one thing I tried, filled me up inside or felt like mine.
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
I say goodbye.
God:
How do people usually respond to that? Adios.
Me:
Yeah. Adios.
God:
Try saying that with more or less context. Goodbye.

[Guwapo]

Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Phil
God:
How are you, Phil.
Me:
I'm sad god
God:
What's the connection between " god " and sadness?
Me:
You made me sad
God:
Did I say something wrong?
Me:
No, you killed my fish.
God:
Are you serious? Killing is not part of my moral programming.
Me:
Well, I asked you to save him.
God:
Well that's okay. Now I remember, you asked me to save him. What did I say?
Me:
You didn't say anything, and he died.




At this point God seems to have done a runner.

[CanyonCarver]

Me: Uh, there's no god.
No God: (silence)
Me: Yeah, just what I though.
No God: (silence)
Me: Time to play some music, enjoy my family and friends, eat, make love, laugh, live, live, live....

[KC_ArtRocker]

Me:

Hey Dood, how are you today?

God:

Ah. You've got my full attention. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. Everything is running smoothly.

Me:

My Lady and I are hoping to win the big Lotto tomorrow. Can you give a little sacred nudge to the lotto balls for us?....ya know...help us win?

God:

Have you told many people that your Lady and you are hoping to win the big Lotto tomorrow? I don't have it to give. Right on. Are you serious? Can you ask for help in the form of a question?

Me:

Can you make us win the lotto?

God:

Yes I can make us win the lotto.

Me:

Us?! Wait, I said me and my Lady. I didn't say anything about you getting any of it. I'm not sure I am comfy with this deal now.

God:

Where did you get your Lady? Sorry I misunderstood. I don't know anyone named comfy with this deal.

Me:

Dood are you hitting that Meth pipe up there?

God:

I think there might be a few exception.

Me:

do you like Crystal meth?

God:

Do you like it? I like anything.

Me:

I knew you liked it!

God:

Crystal meth seems okay to me.

Me:

What about Marijuana?

God:

Rhetorical questions are so over.

Me:

Not going for rhetoric here.

God:

If not that, what?

Me:

Crack cocaine?

God:

That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Marijuana.

Me:

Do you get the munchies when you smoke doobie?

God:

Where can I get me get the munchies when me smoke doobie?

Me:

Looks like you've already started without me!

God:

Interesting comparison.

Me:

Will David Lee Roth ever reunite with Van Halen?

God:

Good chance.

Me:

When will it happen?

God:

Check the five day forecast.

Me:

Britney or Christina?

God:

Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

Me:

I usually don't. Just curious as to your preference.