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A penguin from a New York zoo escapes and steals a car. He drives across the U.S. and get to Arizona. As he pulls into a small town the car begins to smoke from the engine. He pulls it into a service station and tells the repairman that he is going to check out the town while he fixes his car. The penguin comes across an ice cream shop and goes in and gets a vanilla ice cream cone. Having flippers, the penguin gets the ice cream all over and when he returns to the service station, the man looks at him and says "Well, it looks like you've blown a seal." The penguin replies, "No, it's ice cream."
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Some wait for their boats to come in, others build them.
probably because it is... the fact that the latter muffin was surprised to see the former talking muffin is complete BS; why would he be so surprised to see a talking muffin when he, in fact, is a talking muffin himself?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the
wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why
are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from is coffee, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when
we were dating, and you were only 16?' he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and
sensitive.
'Yes I do,' she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember
when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?'
'Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun
in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to
jail for 20 years?''I remember that too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......'I would have gotten
out today.'
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the
wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why
are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from is coffee, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when
we were dating, and you were only 16?' he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and
sensitive.
'Yes I do,' she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember
when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?'
'Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside
him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun
in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to
jail for 20 years?''I remember that too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......'I would have gotten
out today.'
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Brooklyn Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Brooklyn Tony replied, "You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Brooklyn Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fuc&ing business."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp.
They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie.
The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one" So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home." POOF, she is gone. The redhead makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too." POOF, she
is gone.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "What is the matter?" The blonde said, "I wish my friends were here."
Linear Mode
