Got ANY funny jokes? - Guitars101

HeReSy · 03-15-2006, 01:52 AM

well? I need some humour to lighten up my day!

Shazle · 03-15-2006, 01:45 PM

blind guy walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "i got a great blonde joke,weanna hear it?".so the bartender leans forward and says "i think id best warn you,the barmaid is blonde,and a black belt in karate,the 2 bouncers are blonde,the worlds quickest draw is over there with his pistol and a blonde,and theres a 6 ft 8 bodybuilder in the corner who is also blonde,do you still want to tell me this joke?".so the blind guy says"no i dont think i will.....i dont want to have to explain it 5 times"

**mewisemagic** · 03-15-2006, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shazle

blind guy walks into a bar and says to the bar tender "i got a great blonde joke,weanna hear it?".so the bartender leans forward and says "i think id best warn you,the barmaid is blonde,and a black belt in karate,the 2 bouncers are blonde,the worlds quickest draw is over there with his pistol and a blonde,and theres a 6 ft 8 bodybuilder in the corner who is also blonde,do you still want to tell me this joke?".so the blind guy says"no i dont think i will.....i dont want to have to explain it 5 times"

LMAO!!

HeReSy · 03-15-2006, 02:05 PM

AeroZach · 03-15-2006, 02:06 PM

Two guys are walking their dogs down the street when they decide to walk into a bar. They walk in, with their dogs, and the bartender says "Hey, sorry, we can't let dogs into the building." So the two men leave, and one comes up with an idea. "Why don't we go buy some sunglassesm and pretend these are our guide dogs?" The other guy tells him its a brilliant idea. So they go down to a local store, buy sunglasses, and attempt to walk in. They went in one after the other. The first one walks in with his German Shepherd, and the bartender says "No dogs in the bar, pal, sorry" and the man said "Oh, but this is my guide dog." So the bartender gave in and said "Alright, come on in. Have a drink on me!" The other man walks in. The bartender, once again, says "No dogs in the bar, pal, sorry" and the man gave the same answer as his friend. The bartender is shocked. He asks, "You're using a chihuahua as a guide dog?" and the man, pretending like he doesn't know a thing, yells "WHAT?!? They gave me a goddam CHIHUAHUA?!?"

One of my alltime favorites

Janelle · 03-15-2006, 03:32 PM

DUSTY UNDERWEAR!

One morning a husband took a pair
of underwear out of the drawer.
"What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little
"dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

"April," he hollered into the bathroom,
"why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder.

It's 'Miracle Grow'."

HeReSy · 03-15-2006, 10:20 PM

hahahah thats a funny one!

**Figs** · 03-16-2006, 10:00 AM

Why do married men usually die before their wives?

Because they want to.

**GNLidiard** · 03-16-2006, 11:52 AM

My boys' favourite joke...

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other:

"How'd you drive this thing?"

Gary

pie lover · 03-16-2006, 04:06 PM

Q.whats a ducks fav. snack

A.cheese and quackers

HeReSy · 03-16-2006, 11:06 PM

coff coff lol i got one!

There was these 3 guys who got lost on a jungle island that had a cannibal tribe on it.
They were captured by them and taken to the tribes king.
The king told them to go out in the jungle and get 10 of 1 type of fruit.
So they all go out into the jungle there seperate ways to gather some fruit.
The first guy comes back and has 10 apples and takes them to the king.
The king then tells him that he must stick them all up his ass without showing any facial expression of any kind or you get executed.
Well the first guy gets one in then goes for 2 but the pain is just too much, so he is killed.
Then the second guy comes back with his fruit and has 10 berries.
The king tells him the same thing as the first and he thinks "well this shouldn't be too hard."
He starts getting them in there, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 then for some bizarre reason he starts laughing so they kill him.
The first guy meets the second guy up in heaven and asks him "why did you laugh you could have been set free"
The second guy replies "well i was almost there when i seen the third guy coming back with pineapples!"

OUCH!:moon:

**Mondy** · 03-17-2006, 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vhrocks2006

Two guys are walking their dogs down the street when they decide to walk into a bar. They walk in, with their dogs, and the bartender says "Hey, sorry, we can't let dogs into the building." So the two men leave, and one comes up with an idea. "Why don't we go buy some sunglassesm and pretend these are our guide dogs?" The other guy tells him its a brilliant idea. So they go down to a local store, buy sunglasses, and attempt to walk in. They went in one after the other. The first one walks in with his German Shepherd, and the bartender says "No dogs in the bar, pal, sorry" and the man said "Oh, but this is my guide dog." So the bartender gave in and said "Alright, come on in. Have a drink on me!" The other man walks in. The bartender, once again, says "No dogs in the bar, pal, sorry" and the man gave the same answer as his friend. The bartender is shocked. He asks, "You're using a chihuahua as a guide dog?" and the man, pretending like he doesn't know a thing, yells "WHAT?!? They gave me a goddam CHIHUAHUA?!?"

One of my alltime favorites

Then this should tickle you too.

A blind guy is walking along with his guide dog when all of a sudden, the guide dog stops and cocks his leg up on him.

The blind man reaches into his pocket, and takes out a treat and offers it to the dog.

A passer by sees this and comments on it. He says to the blind man, "That is one of the most open displays of kindness I have ever seen. Your dog has just urinated all over your leg, yet to show there are no hard feelings, you reward him, rather than punish him. You sir, are a true gentleman, and an example to the rest of us!"

To which the blind man replies:

"Don't jump to conclusions mate, I was using the treat to determine which end was which so I can kick the bastard in the bollocks !"

HeReSy · 03-17-2006, 02:08 AM

kinda reminds me on that movie ali g in da house when hes tied to a pole with his pants down and some blind guys wanking him off

jesse · 11-16-2007, 02:02 PM

I got one:

Two guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks.

jesse · 11-16-2007, 02:04 PM

Here's another one I posted this one somewhere else on the forum:

What do you do when your wife catches you cheating and leaves you out on the street?
You get on the sidewalk.