01-05-2005, 03:21 PM
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#1
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101 Guru
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Posts: 1,114
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Guitar Jokes! Can you better these?
In the past drummers have been the butt of many jokes. Well I have met some drummers in here and I thought I would stir the pot a bit all in a bit of fun and see what you think of these. I have got the ball rolling with some oldies but goodies. What about you all. Can you laugh at yourselves like a drummer can?
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
Both suck when you plug them in.
What's the difference between a guitar player and a bag of garbage?
The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
How does a Lead Guitarist change a lightbulb?
He holds it and the world revolves around him.
What's the difference between a Lead Guitarist and the IRA?
You can negotiate with the IRA.
Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
Neither have I.
2 guys were walking down the street. One was destitute.
The other was a guitarist as well.
and finally...
Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
So the drummer can understand them.! (you see we can laugh at ourselves!)
__________________
One thing that really appeals to me is this idea of music being a living thing that has an evolution that, in a way, enables the artist to sell a process rather than a piece of product.
Peter Gabriel
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01-05-2005, 06:14 PM
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#2
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Local Artist
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 84
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How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10, 1 to do it and 9 to say they could do better.
__________________
...and business is good
"People take this shit seriously, but to me, it's one big Jack off session" - Dime (RIP)
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01-06-2005, 06:38 AM
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#3
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Metal Missionary
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 6,859
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Good ones...
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01-06-2005, 10:18 AM
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#4
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Toastmaster General
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 2,244
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How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
12, 1 to screw it in and 11 to stand around and talk about how Vai would have done it.
__________________
"It was John Lennon who said "Life is what happens while you're making plans." Of course he also said "I am the Eggman, I am the Walrus" so I don't know WHAT to believe. "
"Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut bitch!"
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01-06-2005, 11:53 AM
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#5
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Yankees Suck!
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 663
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Oldies but goodies:
How do you get a guitarist to turn down? Put sheet music in front of him.
How do you get get him to stop playing altogether? Make sure the sheet music has notes on it. 
__________________
Host of "100 Proof - Pure Grain Rock & Roll" - Thursdays at 10PM Eastern on ENGAGE Internet Radio
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01-06-2005, 12:42 PM
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#6
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"Gas Station Attendant"
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 4,767
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How can you tell when the stage is level?
The guitar player is drooling from both sides of his mouth.
How do you get 2 electric guitar players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one of them.
What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you make a guitar players car more aerodynamic?
Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof
What do you call a guitarist that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless
A young boy and his mother are walking down the street and the boy turns to his mother and says "when I grow up I want to be a guitar player"
his mother replies "Now now son you cant do both"!
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01-06-2005, 01:19 PM
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#7
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Tx boy stuck n yankeeland
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: hell...otherwise known as cincinnati,oh
Posts: 504
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an old one.......
what does a bass player use for a contraceptive.......his personality 
__________________
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein
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01-06-2005, 01:46 PM
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#8
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Metal head
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Quebec, Canada
Posts: 1,058
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LMAO!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Damn those are really great!!!!! wooohoooo  |
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01-06-2005, 01:53 PM
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#9
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excess to requirements
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Portsmouth, England
Posts: 7,378
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Did you hear about the guitarist that locked himself out of his car?
It took him 6 hours to get the bass player out!
What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
eythangyew!
__________________
"All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?"
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01-06-2005, 10:03 PM
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#10
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Local Artist
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 84
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by VanMan2000
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
12, 1 to screw it in and 11 to stand around and talk about how Vai would have done it.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Gibson76
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10, 1 to do it and 9 to say they could do better.
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*coughripoffcough*
 
__________________
...and business is good
"People take this shit seriously, but to me, it's one big Jack off session" - Dime (RIP)
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01-07-2005, 12:30 AM
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#11
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Toastmaster General
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 2,244
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sorry man, mine was funnier, lol
__________________
"It was John Lennon who said "Life is what happens while you're making plans." Of course he also said "I am the Eggman, I am the Walrus" so I don't know WHAT to believe. "
"Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut bitch!"
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01-09-2005, 02:13 PM
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#12
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Ready for Takeoff!
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 5,067
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Yeah the Vai one was funnier
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01-10-2005, 02:55 AM
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#13
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Starving Artist
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 32
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by VanMan2000
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
12, 1 to screw it in and 11 to stand around and talk about how Vai would have done it.
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lol thats great  |
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01-10-2005, 09:13 AM
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#14
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Starving Artist
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 12
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01-10-2005, 10:28 AM
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#15
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Starving Artist
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Germany HD
Posts: 12
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Yeah...really nice 
Here is another one:
Q: How many guitarists will it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Five. One to actually do it, and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were |
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