As a public service, we are offering horoscopes to those fruity enough to beleive, er... uh... to those interested in this community service
- Restring your guitar. This month is filled with many things. Some you will know, others you will not. Fill your hollowbody electric with water, but do not drink before playing live.
- A retuning in your life may make you warry. Clap one hand, then record your tone for your friends. Enter a monthly contest.
- Use your instincts, and find love in the air. Use heavy picks for hard songs, but strum lightly to protect your fragile ego.
- Play a doubleneck guitar this month. You seem to go either way when among friends. Purchase a Platinum Membership to visit the Nut Farm.
- You're ugly. Spend more time practicing pop music so friends and neighbors invite you to summer BBq's.
- Handling your guitar like your partner will only get you a restringing. Don't let ambition get in the way if you don't want to practice. Call your partner. Swooie!
- Picks are falling off the dresser. Use caution in love to avoid blisters.
- Many want to get into your pants, but only to wear them. Keep your saddles well oiled and many will follow.
- You play like a stinger. Ease up the harshness and love will follow. Turn your amp gain down and the volume up, and love will surely be at your door.
- You think you are a stud. Make an original composition and post it for your friends to critique. Love is not in the air this month, although the internet is a good substitute.
- You work hard but play less. Play harder and work less, then sell equipment to pay bills at end of month. Your life is complicated.
- Friends call you for drinks, but you would rather eat. Buy a louder amp to alienate your neighbors.