My first song

[Midnight_Rider]

Hey everyone what's up? I just wrote this song today in my free period and I was wondering what you think of it and any criticism is very welcome. I have never really written a song before so I know its not great.

Dark climbs to the sky,
Midnight in the Lion’s Den.
A chill runs through my spine,
But I feel the warmth of my friend.
The dark is deep and coyotes howl to the moon,
Light shines through the gloom.

Chorus

We see the edge of the land,
But freedom is just out of hand.
We whisk through trees of shadow,
The pursuit of lawful lights, an awful glow.
Think I’m safe, I must keep my senses,
The only thing that keeps me boundless.

Chorus

Out of breath and out of time,
Waiting by the pond, black and arcane.
Buried treasure to later find,
The hidden cache, time spent in vain.
Time slips; down the hourglass go the grains,
Through winding paths and forbidden plains.

Chorus

I feel the rush and adrenalin flow,
Cruise on to the streetlight glow.
Flying past the Guardian’s shade,
We race to freedom, no debt to be paid.

Chorus


I'm still working on a chorus, but here are two ideas I have come up with:

Midnight in the Lion’s Den,
And I don’t know if I’ll make it through.
I wish I were free like I was then,
But instead I am in deep pursuit.

&

It’s midnight in the Lion’s Den,
And I don’t know if I’ll make it through.
I may be singing them big house blues

It’s midnight in the Lion’s Den,
And I don’t know if I’ll make it through.
I may be singing them big house blues

Thanks for the help I really appreciate it. I am still working on guitar, but I think I'm going for something psychedelic to fit with the lyrics.