Guitars101 - Guitar Forums banner
1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
366 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"You're The One"



http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8443876

I see you at the station
at the break of dawn
waitin' for that mornin' train
to come along
the billboards fly past the train
in a space and time
pictures framed and colors
revealed in rhymes

You're the one
I see baby
your smiles shines from above
and when I touch you now baby
the stars from above rain down all their love

the clock keeps dozing
as you hustle through your busy day
so many desperate faces
in the city make their way
to many lonely hearts
caught in the grip of time
and now you know my motive
is to make you mine

You're the one
I see baby
your smiles shines from above
and when I touch you now baby
the stars from above rain down all their love


©2009 Frank Axtell All Rights Reserved.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
141 Posts
HI,
Thanx for putting up the song.
Not wanting to be too critical, I did enjoy the track, tho I thought a better vocal track would be in order.
The first thing I noticed was the amount of effect on the vocal track. I really dont feel all the effect would be nessesary if the vocal lines were practiced more, and just worked out more. Theres alot of parts where the vocals are even out of time.
The music is pretty good, but I did think the beginning lead guitar melody could have been thickened up with maybe a synth, maybe even in harmony with the guitar. maybe a tad faster, and Id top it off with a better harmony vocal.
The rythm guitar in the background isny heavy enough either. It has a lot of treble. If it were more "in your face" I think it would make the track more powerful.
When I listen to the chorus I hear " the stars up above rain down all thier love ON ME"- holding out MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE in harmony.
I personally wouldnt have all the keyboard intro stuff (in the middle too), it kinda drags the song down, its a neat thing, but I dont think its really working for this ...feel.
And again, the tempo, maybe just a tad faster, It seems to me like the chorus is taking forever to sing all the way thru.

I like the song, I just think it needs some polishing, as many of mine do as well. Its really an art form isnt it-like solving a zig-saw puzzle sometimes, my advice would be to not look at the vocal so serious, and play around with it, expierement, let it flow more naturally. I can tell your (like me) more of a "music" guy than a singer, the music's pretty good, the vocals not bad, just not great either. Just trying to help.
KK
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top